LiveJournal for through recessions and addictions.

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Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

Time:2:16 am.
My life has the potential to become the best it's ever been. I can only hope that I grab it by the balls and don't fuck things up this time around. Wish me luck.
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Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

Time:7:27 pm.
Test results will be available tomorrow.
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Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

Time:1:39 am.
I am predicting that 2010 will be filled with more bad decisions than I've made in all of my previous years combined. Fasten your seatbelts.
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Monday, January 4th, 2010

Time:1:59 am.
I never update this anymore except cryptic shit that even I don't understand when I go back and read over it, but here goes nothing..

Interesting things are happening. I worked my first shift at my new job tonight. I'm still working at Zones, but an opportunity presented itself in the form of a part time night shift at a video store. An adult video store. It's unconvential and my mother is a little upset, but it pays more hourly than what I'm already making and it's cake. Most of the guys who come in are regulars and generally pretty polite. Ironically, the clients at Video Blue are just about the same kind of clients I sell computers to everyday: lonely, socially awkward 30-something men. The only difference is that I've never had to look up an item number for shemale porn at my desk job. I'll try to keep the lulz coming with customer stories and hilarious titles in our rental library when I can.

I moved into my apartment in November. It's in North Tacoma, off Division, and I'm finally settled in. I still need a microwave and some others things that would be nice to have, but it's cozy and I'm quite happy with it. I see the waterfront on my way to and from work every morning and it never fails to lift my spirits. I love living by the water. I can't wait until it warms up so I can take walks to Ruston Way when I'm restless after work. I'll do a post with some pictures of everything eventually.

A couple weeks ago, I got my tongue pierced on a whim. I was bored. It was pointless. It healed nicely and now I just kind of forget about it for the most part.

Alright, and then there's what's-his-face.. Ugh. If I went into great detail with this it would be for my own reference so I'll save myself some time and simply say that it's funny how things work out. It's really easy for the image of someone to be much better in your head than that someone actually is. I tend to give people more credit than they deserve when I can't figure them out because that's attractive to me. I'm done looking for everything I want. I'll take my chances on waiting for everything I want to find me. In the meantime, I'm working on the unfinished project that is me and trying to enjoy the process for once. I didn't make any resolutions, but I think this year will change me more than any other one ever has.
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009

Time:9:59 pm.
Nothing like coke and Crown to start the new year.

I spoke too soon: pathetic, drunken phone calls are a close second. And here I thought the upper hand would never come. Ha.
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Sunday, September 27th, 2009

Time:11:03 am.
This is why I can't be trusted to run my own business: I'm not a self-motivated person. I'd like to be, I just haven't figured out how to yet. In the same way that I wouldn't be able to be my own boss, I can't rely on myself to be the boss of my life. I don't trust myself to figure out how or why or when or who. I hold out for the best possible outcome and get fucked in the end because, if you're waiting for perfection, you're going to be waiting forever. It's time to take a chance on something, for once in my life. Without looking back. Without over analyzing. Without predetermined ideas of how it will turn out. Without regrets. It's time to forget the past and live in the present. I don't want to make the same mistakes, but I'm not going to make anything if I keep treading water. It's time to swim.

"Take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be."
-Bob Dylan
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Sunday, April 19th, 2009

Time:3:06 pm.
I play this game sometimes where I drive around in the dark, listen to music, and smoke until one of the three gets boring. I lose that game every time. Every, single time.

Something very significant is going to happen to me in this place, I just don't know what yet.

I am a work in progress.
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Monday, March 30th, 2009

Subject:And all you see is where else you could be when you're at home
Time:1:49 am.
I'm too weak to dispose of bad habits, but I'm great at recycling them. I have plans to take secret piano lessons, though I suppose they wouldn't be so secret anymore. You're welcome for the button repairs. Sewing is like riding a bike. I also have plans to own a bike. Tomorrow will be terrible, I can see it from here.

I'm not sure what it is yet, but I have something to offer each and every one of you.
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Sunday, February 8th, 2009

Time:8:12 am.
She was my favorite cat.
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Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

Time:4:14 pm.

The happiest day of my life.
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Monday, December 29th, 2008

Time:3:32 am.
Despite how much I love my friends, sometimes I am my greatest entertainment.

I love hanging out with me!
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Sunday, December 28th, 2008

Subject:36 hours
Time:2:05 pm.
The sound of Seattle and the feel of cold sheets.
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Friday, December 26th, 2008

Subject:this one.
Time:1:03 am.
I am a big believer in actions speak louder than words. I think that's because I talk a lot. Or maybe it's because I'm a good liar.

If you don't believe me, next time you see someone you don't know very well and haven't seen in a while, go for the hug instead of the handshake. Watch it completely alter the tone of your interaction and then tell me words are power.

Words are so easy to manipulate. I can make them do whatever I want them to do. Words are nothing. Words are weak.

These are words.

I live my life everyday seeking validation from every angle. I tally my points up on ego's big scorecard, competing for my own self respect. Krystal - 1, Insecurities - 0. The problem is that the self satisfaction is getting harder and harder to come by. I collect actions and reactions and I see each individual as a challenge. There is no I in team. Trust is the fumble. Love is the foul.

For every one person I care about, there are two more who I've tricked into thinking I do. I am very convincing.

And I really should have just accepted the handshake. Merry Christmas.
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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

Time:1:25 am.
I'm going to New York. This is a recent development. It will be in February of 2009. and I will be doing these things while I am there:

the Met
top of the Rock
Statue of Liberty
buy candy at Dylan's
ice skate at Rockefeller Center
walk across the Brooklyn Bridge
hang out in Times Square at night
go to one of Conan O'Brien's last tapings

A round trip ticket is anywhere from $200 to $300. If I go alone, I'll probably see if I can rent a room from someone in the city for cheap. There are places to stay on the waterfront in Jersey that are anywhere from $50 to $80 a night and actually closer to a lot of things I want to do than most of the overpriced places to hotels in NYC. Either way, I estimate that I'll be a $600 to $700 trip. I will be paying off my credit card next month and maxing it out on everything New York City.

Anybody interested?
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Friday, December 19th, 2008

Time:12:33 am.
This made me think of you and laugh.

It was 90% bitter.
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Thursday, December 18th, 2008

Time:12:04 am.
It's hard to make sense when you're senseless.

We went out again. It was great. This could be something.
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Sunday, December 14th, 2008

Time:3:28 am.
First of all, let's hope lightening does not strike twice. Second, you know you had a good night when you suck on a penny on your way home just to be safe. Have you ever been driving at such a time that you know everyone else is drunk and that, if you weren't so fucked up yourself, you'd try to fuck with them? It's a weird state of mind. The blind leading the blind is less than or equal to the drunk leading the drunk. By the way, this might actually be real at some point. Faking it only works out half the time. At some point, someone wants to cash in your promises - remember that. What the fuck are you supposed to do then, when you never meant it in the first place? Don't forget to give your dog her pill stuffed in a hot dog. Fifty is too slow for the freeway.

I won't remember this tomorrow. This coin has been in my ashtray for eight months. My windshield wipers are frozen. And 40 is too slow for the freeway.

Merry Christmas, vodka anyone?

I stand by the fact the you don't truly know the weight of your drinking decisions until you're staring at the wall across from the toilet while you mechanically pee. Have you ever been the only tire tracks for 9 miles? I never use numbers, I always type them out. Don't worry - I don't know what I'm talking about either. I smell dog food. Who knew the Food Network was on this late? That's a rhetorical question. Maybe I would be better off with a male manager after all. I think I'm better at disappointing women (that's what he said). I can't believe I can still do html this hammered.

I am a hustler baby, I'll sell water to a well.
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Sunday, December 7th, 2008

Time:9:33 am.
By the way, it is Christmastime.

And I feel lonelier than I've felt in four years.

Merry Christmas.

I do love mistakes though. They are the easiest way to learn how to do something right.
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Subject:Now do you think you love me, Mary Jane?
Time:9:18 am.
I fell asleep watching Saturday Night Live last night and woke up this morning from dreams of having an in depth conversation with Barack Obama while we smoked and made a cake, watching the New York Giants play a video game version of themselves, filming a moving documentary about the secret lives of weather anchors, and hearing a women argue about a Pearl Harbor memorial with a cashier as I browsed the Barbie section at a Toys R Us.

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Wednesday, November 26th, 2008

Time:5:30 pm.
Thank you, Google, for answering all of my gross, embarrassing questions. I really appreciate it.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

LiveJournal for through recessions and addictions.

View:User Info.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.